this is a late post, in honor of motherhood and journaling and realness and honesty -- some of my favorite things.

I used to be an avid journaler -- one of my best friends, Stephie, got me into it and it became a regular part of my every day routine. Before bed, I'd write about my day, and usually a prayer or a pro/con list or set of goals. I was good at it and I loved it, and it was fun to have all that written down to look back on. Fast forward to now: life is so busy (which I really dislike sometimes!!!!!) and I'm always on the go, chasing after Forest, running errands, hanging out with peeps -- and journaling hasn't been an everyday thing for me since before my kid was born, maybe even before we got married!  So I recently made a goal to write something down every day in my journal,  either a full entry or a sentence or quick list or little prayer -- just so I have something to look back on to remember these days that are moving way too quickly. Its really important to me to remember the little things, the things that aren't in photos or snapchat. I love those little things the most. 

Anyways, I'd like to share my journal entry from Mother's Day this year, because motherhood is such a crazy ride and because I am a firm believer in sharing stuff, especially the hard stuff, if only to encourage other moms, and remind them that they aren't alone! 

May 8th, 2016 — Mother’s Day
SUCH a long day of driving and being emotional and feeling lonely and inadequate and like a failure. I am exhausted.

I’m learning that not every day has to be a good day — its ok to have off days, its more than normal. I’m wondering when I’m going to stop subconsciously beating myself up over the off days — my mothering is not the cause of the off days!!! the cause of the off days is usually my attitude or Forest’s refusal of naps or the coffee that spilled or my own exhaustion or laziness — but it is not my mothering. I am trying to be gracious with myself, or rather accept the grace Jesus has for me already.

Motherhood is a full learning process, constantly! learning to be patient, learning to give grace, learning to accept grace, learning to make the best of crappy situations, learning to stop feeling insecure about every little thing, learning to change my perspective (ALWAYS), learning to ask for help, learning to group myself and my identity in Christ, learning from failures, learning humility, learning to be even more honest with myself about myself. constant learning and lots of exhaustion and frequent overwhelming joys. I am thankful for all of these lessons, even though they have all been marked with tears and overthinking, they are making me stronger and better. being his mama is making me stronger and better.

so. not every day has to be a good one.

I am thankful and tired and joyful and weary and stoked.

all that to say: if you are loving, you are doing a good job. learning, trying, loving, fighting through the discouragement and exhaustion. you can do it. you are strong and you are capable and you are not alone! #momlife!!