on motherhood

baby_mama

what even is motherhood? you grow this tiny babe in your belly for the better part of a year and worry about it every single day. you try to eat healthy (even though all that baby wants is pickles and donuts) and stop drinking beer, you ask for all the advice that you can, you stock up on diapers, you read the books and take the classes, and you sort through tiny tiny clothes. and then, after so much work and the worst pain and most trying hours of your life, that tiny babe is in your arms. and you have no clue what to do. it’s surreal and weird and crazy and emotions are running rampant. but you’ve never felt as much love as you do in that second. that first second when you finally see his face and time literally stops and your heart explodes and says, “oh there you are! I’ve been waiting for you but I never knew what you look like but now I do and you are so perf!”

the next few weeks are spent learning constantly and it is hard. learning who this tiny person is and realizing that your life is completely changed forever. exhaustion sets in, you feel inadequate, you fight with your husband, and wonder if you’ll make it through the week, through the day even. motherhood is exactly like they told you it would be, except better and harder and completely different. there are just enough sweet moments to break up the hard ones – I’ve said it before and I still stand by it: I am positive babies sleep so much to give you a break from all the crazy and give you a minute to watch them sleep and then you fall in love with em all over again. those moments are so necessary. you cry a lot but also your heart explodes every day and you get through it all, on love alone.

then that tiny babe grows into a bigger tiny babe and starts smiling and making noises and eating food like a normal human. he crawls and laughs and claps his hands and thinks the world of you. he recognizes you and holds his tiny bit chubby arms up to you and gives you open-mouthed kisses. he becomes adventurous and curious about the world, and you get to show him. you are his mama. you are the one he wants when he is scared, you are the one he comes to for comfort and snugs, you are the one who makes him laugh, you are the one who gets to show him the whole entire world. you are his comforter, helper, protecter, adventure-taker, Hobbit-reader, butt-wiper, biggest fan, outfit-picker-out-er, keeper of the boobs, belly tickler, silly dancin partner, sneaker of ice cream, encourager, cleaner of all the messes, ouchie-kisser, listener of all the ideas, master snuggler, best friend. what a hugely significant role is motherhood. what a crazy beautiful hard learning process. what a precious gift. 

you are needed and loved and appreciated.