I have a milllllion posts that I've been putting off like Forest's eight month photos (and his seven month photos??? oops) and the photos from our trip and a few recipes and DIY's, and I definitely plan on sharing those (hopefully soon), but I think this is more important for me to share with you.
Lately, I've been so distracted. Lonely, sad, weary, and so distracted. I know how important it is to read the Bible and spend time in prayer, but I've been putting it off and not making it a priority. You know when you've been ignoring God for too long and it feels like maybe He is going to say, "forget you" and ditch ya? Thats where I was, last night. I was ignoring him but too ashamed to talk to Him. I don't know why I do that??? I have a baby who definitely keeps me busy, yes, but I've used that as my excuse this whole time. I find time during his naps to crochet or pin things on Pinterest or bake stuff, so why shouldn't I use that time for what I know I need more than any of that stuff?
Anyway, last Christmas, my dad got each of us girls a book of Puritan prayers. I didn't think much of it and had only looked at it once or twice, until last night. I was about to go to sleep when I saw it by our bed. Zach and I had a little argument, about something petty and silly, but I was so tired and sad from it. I saw the little leather book and decided to open it and check it out. This is the first one I read (it brought me to tears) :
O my Saviour
I am so slow to learn,
so prone to forget,
so weak to climb;
I am in the foothills when I should be
on the heights;
I am pained by my graceless heart,
my prayerless days,
my poverty of love,
my sloth in the heavenly race,
my sullied conscience,
my wasted hours,
my unspent opportunities.
I am blind while light shines around me:
take the scales from my eyes,
grind to dust the evil heart of unbelief.
Make it my chiefest joy to study thee,
meditate on thee,
gaze on thee,
sit like Mary at thy feet,
lean like John on thy breast,
appeal like Peter to thy love,
count like Paul all things dung.
Give me increase and progress in grace
so that there may be
more decision in my character,
more vigour in my purposes,
more elevation in my life,
more fervour in my devotion,
more constancy in my zeal.
As I have a position in the world,
keep me from making the world my position;
May I never seek in the creature
what can be found only in the Creator;
Let not faith cease from seeking thee
until it vanishes into sight.
Ride forth in me, thou King of kings
and Lord of lords,
that I may live victoriously,
and in victory attain my end.
This morning, I started to get back into my habit of reading the Bible. I realize I won't get to always start my day with it, since I do have an 8-month old crazy child, but I am making it a priority -- as soon as he chills out, or takes a nap, it is the first thing on my list. I don't have a reading plan or anything yet (Zach and I are planning to do one together) so I just opened to one of my favorite verses.
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning, great is your faithfulness. Laminations 3:22-23
I've read that sooo many times. I've memorized it and written it out and added it to Instagram captions and even copied it onto my arm once or twice (and contemplated getting it tattooed maybe??). And today, I realized something that maybe I never noticed or maybe I just really needed to notice extra, on this day. His mercies are new every morning. Every single morning. His mercies are new every morning, even when you don't realize it. His mercies are new every morning, even when you feel guilty and ashamed. His mercies are new every morning, even when you haven't talked to Him in a month and are distracted and selfish and sad and wondering why but you really know why. and that was the exact thing I needed to realize. isn't it crazy how that goes????? I probably could've opened up to any part of Scripture and it would've been what I needed to read somehow, but God used a verse that I've read sooo many times before, to show me something new. Its crazy to me.
I'm not sure why but I have sorta tried to avoid sharing stuff like this on here. Its much easier to keep things light and pretty and cool-looking, and to only blog about our adventures and our cute kid and outfits and recipes and stuff that looks good. But why do I even have a blog, if not to share this sort of thing, the most important thing, with the people who read it? So I'm going to share more of this sort of thing. You can expect more vulnerability and truth and encouragement from this blog, from here on out.
I'd love to hear what God's teaching you lately!