20 weeks//a few words


20 weeks, the halfway point! can't even believe we are here already, shoot. its gone by quickly but also, it seems like so so much has happened since we first found out about sweet little baby Forest, way back in March! I've been feeling so great, other than a bit of back pain/upper abdomen pain (I'll just say it, its because of gas)--this pregnancy has been a dream and is flying by! tiny babe's been moving soo much lately, he's the wiggliest little dancer and I love it so much!

now I used to be a bit of a worrier, I think. with most things these days, I am usually able to tone it down and think about the bigger picture and "give it to God" or whatever people always tell me to do when I worry. but that is not the case now that the tiny human has entered the picture. ever since we first found out about this kid, I have worried. at first I worried because I was pregnant. then I worried when I never got morning sickness. then I worried that the midwife wouldn't be able to find the heartbeat. and I worried that same worry before every single appointment since the very first one. I was always expecting the worst. I was literally betting against our little family (that's what worrying is, you know? betting against yourself. dumb). Now that he moves around a lot, its easy for me to know he's doing okay in there, but before this last appointment (yesterday), I was a mess. I was expecting to find out something's majorly wrong.

we found out that its a boy, as you know, and we also got to see all the bones and major organs and toes and fingers. (this is the only ultrasound we will have throughout all of the pregnancy--the last time we saw him was when he was a tiny little bean at about 8 weeks!) we got to see that he is so healthy and has all his limbs and his brain is the perfect size (and the smartest brain the technician has ever seen) and his heart beats perfectly and all the ventricles and kidneys and arches and sockets are right where they should be. I don't know why I worry--it can't change the outcome of anything--and I know that if there ever were to be something wrong with our baby, we would get through it and we would have to trust the Lord and his huge plan. but seeing that tiny wiggly baby on the screen, and seeing that everything is fine and good and perfect with him, it was like a heart squeeze for me to see that.  a good squeeze, a reassuring squeeze. even though its scary to have so little control of the tiny situation inside my belly, Jesus loves him 90 billion times more than Zach and I love him (which is a lot, FYI). He made Forest, and He was holding him in His hands back when he was as big as a poppy seed and He is holding him in His hands now, when all his fingers and toes are formed and he has ears and a tiny nose and is wiggly and perfect. how's that for a heart squeeze?

anyways, here are some of the ultrasound photos we got yesterday--he's basically perfect, I know.


I'm thankful for this kid and for the love of Jesus and for the journey they're both taking my heart on.



[ps: for what I'm wearing//shirt: anthro, jeans: levi's (UNBUTTONED COMPLETELY), shoes: saltwaters]